4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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