Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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