I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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