you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
