it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
