I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
