Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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