I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
