I hate your face
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
