I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
