and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We have started to decorate penises.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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