drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
