I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
