this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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