so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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