you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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