I just threw up on my dentist
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
