His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize