were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
