Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
