hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
