I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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