My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
