Just fell off a train. Bad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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