What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
