By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
