On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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