I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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