eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
