Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
