I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
