I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
