Moan for me like Helen Keller
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's shark week go big or go home
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
