so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
