Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
