i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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