ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
