i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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