how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
