I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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