that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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