There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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