i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
