You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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