It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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