The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
