At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
