I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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