Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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