shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
