I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
