dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
