i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
