I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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