Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
