hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
