Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
