You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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