This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
