sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
