WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
