Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
