Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
