Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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