It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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