idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize