And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
