Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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