I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
