I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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