she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
