Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Green mimosas i think yes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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