the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
