got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
