that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
