There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
