I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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