we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
