i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
