My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
