ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
