butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
