Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
