So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
