Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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