somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
